Again

I cried again.

Its 01:00 am
Suddenly cry for no reasons. But, to be honest. Its feel hurt.

My heart, my chest, my feelings, my head, physically emotionally hurt. Feeling my heart break into pieces. I keep asking HIM why it hurt so much and I haven't got any answer for my questions.
The worst kind of sad is not being able to explain why

I keep thinking about death.
How I'm gonna die..
Where I'm gonna die
When I'll die

I wish people wont ever be sad about it
I wish people wont be thinking about me
I wish no one will remember about me
I wish they will leavr me alone
Like they did right now

Whatever I do, I can't stop thinking about everything. Even if I have to sacrifices my sleep.

For now. Crying is the only way for me to let everything out for temporary

I want to cry at someone's shoulder
Someone, that dont even know me or I dont even know them
I just want to cry without telling them the reasons why

I dont want to tell anyone
Because, I dont even trust anyone right now. Unless HIM.
It wont change anything
Because people will act like they care at first and then leaving me alone by myself
Sometimes it's better to keep silent than to tell others how you feel because it hurts knowing they can hear you, but not understand you.

I feel like evrything i do is wrong. I'm afraid to tell people how I feel, because I fear rejection, so I bury it deep inside myself where it only destroys myself more.

Dont tell me that you love me because onkly what you did is lying to me