This every day's feelings

*While eating my sandwich in my room--

Terdengar mama tinggikan suara kat luar. Either she's in living room downstairs or in her bedrooms. Tengah marahkan adik. Sama ada antara budak dua orang tu. I dont know which one.
I can hear the sound of her voices, yelling out loud, mocking them-- its like, she's only 1cm near my ears

I was thinking-- later, she will come to my room. Knocking hard at my door, yelling and mocking to my face . Trying to point out all of my mistakes that she can think of. All things that she can blamed to.

Then, I'll end up blaming myself because I dont want to blames anyone like she did. Like she letting out her anger to anyone.

She once said to me, "why you're keeping the negativity by yourself? Let all of your negativity out. Let it to anyone. Like me, your father let his negativity out to me."

So, nak aku lepaskan amarah pada orang? Semata mata nak puaskan hati sendiri?Sorry I'm cant become that person. I used to keep it my myself for sake of everyone's feeling.

Make me feel wanna throw up. It make me stress so much. Its like someone's throw a big rock to my head many times till I cant even lift up my head.