Her instinct

I don't know if my aunt could feel something's happening to me right now, it just about the right time she asked me to meet her tomorrow.

Her instinct perhaps. That I need someone to talk to.

After Zuhur prayer, while praying, telling, asking everything to Allah.. I cried. I cried for asking HIM 'what is wrong with me' , 'why I become like this'. Even if I found the answer, am I strong enough to get up and faced everything on my own.

I cried again while typing this post.
They make me feel I'm not deserved for anything
They make me feel I dont deserved to live
They make me feel bad for whatever I do

I feel I'm the useless one -- for living up to their expectations to like me and accept me. I dont feel good. I even feel I'm living in a dark place that make me trapped in my heavhell (heaven&hell)

They make me depends on them but actually mocking me for not living up for their expectations.