I need more time

"Mom, I did well in my exams."
"Mom, I did well in my presentations just now."

But, the one and I remember clearly is


"You're useless! Ungrateful child."




"I'm sorry Mom. I can't be the one that you hope for that you expect to be anymore."

Because you always said I'm the useless child whatever I do. You don't support me when I'm in my depression. You told me to get out from my room while actually I'm afraid of your insulted to me. Mocking me for my small wrongdoings. Treat me like an enemy when I don't fill up your expectations to be what you wanted..

You always said that you're perfect because you're working in medical, work fast enough, have a perfect inisiative, have a loud mind and voice, know to treat patience and people. You're saying all of it like you're perfect in everything but I wonder if you know about my depressions.

When you judge my behavior of shutting myself in my room and you said it as rude,
When you judge me for shutting my mouth for not talking to any of you said as I treat you like an enemy,
When you judge my for my mistakes and my wrongdoing for not doing everything perfect or up to your expectations and said it you dissapointed with me,

I'm trying everything. I'm trying. Even to go out from my room and facing with people is hard.
Its my depressions. I'm not strong enough to face people who gave me a lot of painful scars of my childhood. I know its totally my faults for carrying this painful things in my life.


Its hurt to living in people expectations when they don't appreciate or be patience with you. I need more time. A long time. Time to heal myself from everything. Time to heal from my anxiety, panic attacks and my depressions. Time to find my own self.