Last minutes decisions

Tengah jalan dengan kawan. Teman dia beli barang. Sementara tunggu tren ke Tanjung Malim, macam biasa kepala aku jenis yang nak berfikir dua puluh empat jam tak berhenti.

Dua hari lagi.
Dua hari lagi sebelum aku pindah keluar rumah and duduk dekat rumah sewa. By my own. My family tak tahu lagi. My sister je yang tahu because I'm gonna live together with her and the other housemates too.

I will. I will informing them before move out. Because I dont want to depends on one of the main reason why I'd move out. Wanna stay away from people who make me depressed, who make me anxious, have an extreme anxiety and even cant control my panic attacks.

Yet I dont want to blame them. Its my faults. I cant even be a good daughter to them.

Yes. It is true that I planned to tell them by the last minutes. Avoiding any questions from them that will make me change my mind. I already know what questions will they ask. Its hurts to think because one of the reasons that I wanna stay away from them because they make me feel I'm the useless child ( 'they even said that to my face')

Yesterday. My sisters fell from a few stairs: afraid of the 'ghost' she said (actually she afraid of the dark) then  mom asking her why and what she's ran from?

She said she afraid of ghost. Which commonly the things that kids imagined and can think about when they're in the dark place.

Mom replied with: "Theres no such ghost in the house! I've living for almost 50 years and I've never seen one! All of you become the 'ghost'. " from my perspectives, she sounds like all of her kids becomes 'ghost' and hurt her.

I dont know if she just joking about it or purposely said that. Either both of it never sounds good anyway. She should think about it before said anything.

I've no interest to laugh at any of her jokes. All of them never make me feel good.

Just hoping this last minutes decision will change my life and become better. I'm chasing my life to become a writer. Chasing my dreams. Trust in Allah rezeki